Little Luke "Skywalker"

Friday, September 16, 2005

The Birth of Little "Skywalker" - Ep 4.5 - The Truth?

Below is J's account on what happened on that fateful day...

At hour 0023, 6th July 2004, little skywalker “walks” into the world. Unlike the other newborn, he walks in silently. I felt both relief and worried. Relief because he is out at last. Worried because he should have cried out loud. Lying on the bed, I can hear the midwife asking egghead to cut his umbilical cord, separating me and my baby psychically. Then, she held the baby up high, asking me what I saw. I said I saw my baby boy. And immediately the nurse carried him away. Lying down helplessly, I panicked and ask egghead to faster go follow the nurse, while the midwife help to clean me up.

I waited anxiously for egghead to come back to me with some news on our boy. I only had a second to look at him, haven’t even got a chance to touch him. Finally egghead came back. I quickly asked what they did to my baby. He told me they clean him up and cleared his lung, and beat him to make him cry. I asked whether he cried? He say yes. He cried. But very very soft. And he looks pale. Egghead added, after a few seconds, as if he is contemplating whether to tell me. And they sent the baby to NICU. NICU, why are they sending my baby to NICU? Is anything wrong with him. Have I caused him any damage during the long and chaotic birth process? Egghead wanted to accompany but I ask him to go help check on baby again.

I asked the nurse whether I can go see my baby. And she said no. I am suppose to stay in the room for another two more hours to make sure the bleeding stop and no further complications. She said I can go to see him after two hours.

After some time, egghead came back to me. His worried face has light up a little this time. He told me Baby’s has slowly regain his colour tone. Except for one foot, which is still pale and bloodless. Then I asked egghead whether Baby has open his eye? Egghead said no. The Doctor has put some medication to let him sleep and rest, because he is slightly lack of oxygen in his brain. Lack of oxygen. Isn’t that the cause of death for my colleague’s baby who died one month after birth? What actually happened to my baby? When only I can go to see him? Am I going to loss him? Egghead reassures me that Baby is only slightly lack of oxygen, and the doctors in NICU is good and is closely monitoring him and he is just sleeping and resting peacefully in the NICU. Is he telling the truth? Is he hiding anything from me? As if he can read my mind, he reassures me he is telling the very truth and there isn’t any good to bluff me as I can go to see Baby in a while.

It was almost 0330. Finally the doctor allows me to leave the room and go back to the ward. Doctor/Nurse say its better for me to go back to the ward to rest and to see Baby in the morning and egghead sent me back to the ward. I know I need to rest but I also want to see my baby. I couldn’t even remember his look now.

I’m not a good mother.

For a "in-depth" and "behind the scenes" account on the actual events, please refer to this and this.

continue to Ep 5 - The First Encounter

Jotted down by Egghead :: at around 9/16/2005 10:25:00 AM :: and invited 4 Blah(s):

4 Blah(s) by: Blogger mumsgather, Blogger Egghead, Anonymous Anonymous, Anonymous Anonymous,

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